Happy new year?

2018

I am hearing a lot that people can’t wait for 2018 to be over and that 2019 has to be a better year for us all. But is it that easy to move forward and hope for a Happy new year?

There has been a huge amount of sadness in 2018 so I can see where people are coming from. I have said many times myself that I’ll be glad to see the back of this year. But as new year fast approaches, I can hand on heart say I am not ready to leave 2018 behind me.

If I were to write a review of 2018, on paper there are many wonderful moments that made it a great year.

2018 in review

Firstly I moved to be with the love of my life, to start a huge new chapter for the boy and I, to become a family.

I started a new job, a job I enjoy that has taught me a huge amount. One where I can see a real future for myself.

Rob asked me to marry him, and this is without doubt the best moment of 2018. It confirmed to me what I already knew, that this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I was so excited for our future together.

I said yes to the dress!! I mean how exciting is that?!?

There was so much family time this year. I’d of preferred to have had this time under better circumstances but I was grateful for the time we had together. Seeing family who travelled as far as the other side of the world to be here with us when we all needed it most was so special.

We’ve made so much progress on the house we are so lucky to call home.

And I found happiness with family and friends at a time where it felt like there could be none.

I am so grateful to have had a year where so many wonderful things happened. But there are some days when I am sure I can be forgiven for forgetting the positives in amongst all the sadness that I feel. But writing this down helps me to see that there is always good.

Happy new year?

New year is always a time for reflection, and I’ve never really been a fan in honesty. I’m sure we all stop and think about the positive and negative moments of the year. I am sure we all look back at the resolutions we made and wish we’d stuck with them, wish that we’d made more time for family, for friends or for fun or that we’d just done more of what we wanted to do.

We all see a new year as a new start, a time to make much needed changes and have new focuses. Believe me when I say I have plenty of those. Plenty of new hobbies to try, resolutions I’ll try to stick with and plans to keep.

But right now I am not ready to say goodbye 2018. And it’s for simple reasons.

I can’t let go of this year that changed my whole life. I can’t say goodbye again, because that’s how it feels. Like I’m having to say goodbye to Mum all over again. As if walking in to 2019 is going to actually change that she’s not here sounds ridiculous but it is exactly how I feel.

I am not ready to say ‘My Mum died last year’ it makes it sound like such a long time since she was here with us. And I know that I’m not ready to accept that so much has changed in such a small amount of time.

I have no powers to make time stop though, so I’ll face 2019 with hope. Hope that it is going to be a better year, hope that with time things continue to get a little easier, hope that my resolutions work out and hope that future is brighter.

How does New year make you feel? Does it fill you with dread or is it an exciting time for you? Do you look at the new year as a new start, a chance to do things differently?