As I sit here, thinking about facing my third Mothers day without my Mum, I want to let all Motherless daughters know, I see you.
Motherless Daughters, I see you
I see you and I feel you.
The cards are lining the shelves, the word MUM jumping out from every single one. Turn a corner and the MUM gifts are everywhere, there is no escape.
There is this lump in your throat and a tightness in your chest. But you can’t look away. Tethered to the spot, frozen, overwhelmed, feeling alone.
But know, that I see you. You are not alone. Too many of us have a membership to this club, one we’d never choose. Some of us are new, some have been in this club for more years than we want to acknowledge.
We’ve all stood in that aisle, frozen to the spot, desperate to run away but our body letting us down.
I see you as the emails fill up your inbox. Offers aimed at Mothers, special deals and unmissable gift ideas. A barrage of reminders. Reminders that no gift is needed, no card can be delivered where your Mother rests.
You want to switch off, filter and delete but it feels too hard. I see you.
I see you as you step back from social media. How did you not realise before that so many talented people on your friends list run small businesses. Businesses that want your custom this Mother’s day. From brownies or flowers to afternoon tea, social media is awash with gift ideas you know she’d love.
I see the mix of emotions you feel, your sad and angry and you want to be proud of your friends. I see your struggle.
Motherless Mothers
I see you as you fight with yourself. Fighting the need to be a Mother and let your children spoil you on Mother’s day. While balancing your own emotions around a day where you should be celebrating your own Mother.
I see you trying to be strong and positive. To hold it together for their sake and yours.
I hear the words escape from my own mouth ‘I don’t care about Mother’s day’. I can sense the surprise and shock from those I love. I’d love to not feel like this, and I know that you’d not choose to feel this way to.
The urge to hide away is consuming your every thought right now. I see you.
Your children see you to, they need you to be Mum today, to shower you in love, let them take care of you.
Time fades
As the years go by, time fades but the memories remain. Memories that will make you smile but it’s the one that make you cry that are the hardest. I feel you as the tears begin to fall.
Don’t let the tears take away the happy moments though, feel those memories, share them.
In this club, we recognise that far off look, the misty eyed times, the grief that pours out of us.
We all understand that grief is love that has nowhere to go. We see you, all of you. Standing together in this secret club, Motherless daughters united in pain and loss.
But united in a strength we know in ourselves that we have, the one that will have us show up on the day. To celebrate Mother’s day for those we love. To celebrate for those we have lost. We all see you.
However you choose to spend Mother’s day, remember that we see you.
How are you feeling today?
Oh Claire! You literally have no idea how much I love this. I feel youuuuu! I love my mum so much and I would never be able to go on without her. I cannot imagine the pain you go through having to live without your mum and I am pretty sure you writing this brought out a whole lot of bottled emotions. I am very far from being an emotional person but this really touched me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I was typing this. I know this is hard for you and so many other people out there. I have read countless posts about your mum and I can only imagine how much you love her. Mothers are incredible people and no one out there can ever be like a mother. I loveeeeeee this post and you really touched my heart with it. Accepting the fact that your mum is no longer with you is far from easy but I want you to know that your mum is in a better place. Free from all the troubles and worries of life.. I also know that things will never be the same without her but I want you to enjoy mother’s day as much as you can knowing that she would only want you to be happy wherever she is. I will be here for you if you ever need to talk or just need someone to listen. Thank you for this beautiful piece 💖💖. Sending love and light your way! Xxx
Thank you so much Ruth, I know the next few weeks will be rough but people’s kindness really helps. Cherish your Mum, they are truly more special than we ever realise x x x
Two of my best friends are motherless daughters, this so resonates with how they feel. I hold my mum, my mother in law and my two grans close with such love, even from afar in these times. Thank you xx
With tears in my eyes I just want to thank you. Thank you for seeing me, us… This would be my 2nd mother’s day without my Mom and as you said I try not to look at the offers, the ads, the emails… Just pretending there’s no occasion coming up. I still haven’t got the chance to be a mother so for now March 21st will be a normal day with obviously less social media. Thank you again for your kind words. It’s nice to know we’re not alone.
This is so sad and lovely at the same time. I am so sorry you don’t have your mum with you, but I believe she will be looking down on you and won’t want you to be sad xx
This is such a beautiful post! It is something we should talk more about. I’m sure that it will bring comfort to so many people.
Antonia || Sweet Passions
Thanks for this! This year is my 18th Mother’s Day without my mom. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her 🙂 I am blessed to be a mom and have a wonderful mother-in-law, so I focus on that but no one can replace a mom.
This is an extremely open and honest post that must have been very difficult to write and share. I am so sorry for your loss! I hope this upcoming event isn’t too painful for you. ❤️❤️
I am so sorry that you have lost your mum and I can’t even understand this time of the year is incredibly hard for people like you. It is so important to cherish our parents, my mum is one of my best friends. Thinking of you! ❤️
Oh wow, I should have known that this post would make me cry but wow! I am so so incredibly lucky to have my mum and she only lives up the hill from me. We lost our nan (her mum) when we were so young and I know she thinks about it every single day.
Gorgeous post, so beautifully written. Wow, really pulled on my heart strings!
Rosie
This is so beautifully written. Whilst I can’t say I’m in this situation, I do believe there is no right or wrong way of dealing with annual events such as these. I chose to still buy cards for my grandad after he passed away. Inside, I write little things that I would love to tell him, news that I might have and such things. I keep them in a box on my wardrobe and it always makes me feel better when I write out a card.
I had to stop reading this twice and then come back to it before I could finish. I lost my mother more years ago than I want to acknowledge but Mother’s Day is still as hard as ever. Of course Flora wants to spoil me and of course I cherish her for that. But it doesn’t stop the tightening throat or the spilling eyes when I’m alone. Thank you for writing this post, Claire. While it’s a club I wish I hadn’t joined, I feel privileged to be a member too xx
Oh chick, such a beautiful post. I am not in the club, very nearly was when I was a teen and now that I’m a mum, fully appreciate everything my mum has done and the sacrifices she has always made. The day will be hard, but you will have little arms giving you great big hugs and love. Also sending my own big Sim hugs your way too xxx
I am lucky as I still have my mum with me but know of so many who don’t and their feeling during this time is immensely painful, your post so eloquently addresses the issues faced by them.
Sending you all the love in the world. I am so sorry for your loss. I still have my mum but no longer have my dad and find days like Fathers Day tough xx
Sending you big hugs because I can only imagine how every Mother’s Day feels like for you and your loved ones. This was such a moving post and I am sure those without their mothers can relate and under how you are feeling.
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing your lovely words. Sending you lots of hugs, I can’t even imagine thinking about what you’re experiencing xx
Thank you so much x
I’m so sorry , I couldn’t imagine how you feel and would be lost without my mum . Sending you all my love and hugs . Beautiful words xxx
I’m sorry for your loss, Claire! This post is so beautifully written, there’s just so much weight and emotion to your words, I was really taken by it. It actually reads a lot like poetry! It’s lovely that you’re sharing this, I have no doubt it will touch and comfort a lot of people who feel the same way. I love the honesty and openness, sending lots of love and hugs to your entire family 💛
Thank you so so much for your kind words, really means a lot x
Terribly sorry for your loss, the strength and courage it must have taken to write a letter like this is amazing. Keep your chin up lovely lady xx
Thank you so much x
Oh Claire. Another beautiful post. I’m very very very lucky that this isn’t a club I’m in. My heart truly goes out to anyone that is though, this time of year in the lead up to Mother’s Day (and the day itself) must be incredibly tough xxxx
Thank you Jenny. This year was tough x
It’s so hard when you lose your mum, I can only imagine as I lost my dad last year. My heart goes out to those of you out there without a mum in your life
I am so sorry for your loss x
Beautiful words for all those who need to hear it. Mother’s Day must be so impossibly hard for those who have lost their mothers.
Thank you Talya x
I can’t even begin to imagine how tough this time of the year can be to people who have lost their mums, I don’t know how I’ll cope when I have the first year without mine. This is such a nice post for other people in the same situation to know they’re not alone x
Thank you Rhian x
I am really lucky that we still have my mum and my MIL but I can imagine how hard it is, especially on mothers day
It is a very difficult day x
It’s all the special occasions that are tough when you’ve lost someone. I still have both my parents but my dad disappeared when I was quite young so Father’s Day was always tough when we were made to make cards but didn’t have anybody to give them to 🙂 maybe make it a day to treat yourself x
I think people forget that losing someone is not always as clear as just death. That must have been so tough for you x
I can sympathize with this in the fact that I lost my dad 5 years ago. I feel so lost when It gets close to father’s day. It does get a little easier, but days like these really bring it back.
Any significant date is tough isn’t it x
I feel like this around Father’s Day, it is tough parenting without your own parent to lean on.
I agree. We will always need them, when they are not there it feels very hard x
Thanks so much for writing this, while I still have my mother, my father passed away when I was 19 and I always find Fathers day hard for that reason, although I try to use the time to remember all the things I loved about him and turn it into a positive
Laura x
I think that’s a really lovely thing to do, it is so important we remember all the wonderful times with them x